I just read this amazing poem written by another blogger that has so inspired and moved me. He has captured a feeling that expresses exactly where I am at right now.
To put it in my own words would be a hatchet job so I will just have to say that crux of it for me is this: whilst we feel in control, we must always remember the mighty spirit, which is invisible to the eye, but ever so present, moves through our hearts and minds much the same way that the wind moves through this field.
My prayers are being answered each day. As I ask for the help in escaping a new prison, the keys are given freely. It seems I escape one prison, only to find myself locked in yet another. I guess this is what keeps me close to God. I know I can never do it alone. I must always reach out for the power of our Creator.
As I work through what seems like trivial troubles compared to those of others, I understand that I am not in control. The answer is blowing in the wind. My heart will continue to seek the Spirit, refusing to harden, reforming with each new release from self-imposed prisons, by the grace of God.
I have been praying about this to my mother-in-law. She passed away three Christmases ago and surely must be looking down at me with disgust. How I could abandon her son who is so loyal, such a good father, a loving husband, and devoted friend. It must make her roll over in her grave. Therefore, she is going to be my life preserver. Maureen will watch over me like a guardian angel and get me to pull my head out of the clouds (euphemism for out of my @$$) and see all the blessings in my life.
I must be thinking of her more often than not these days. For every time the power of those green eyes starts to overcome me, I will think of her. Hopefully, I can get past the lusting and back to the real loving. Loving a man that has seen me through thick and thin, drunk and sober, sanity and insanity. Yes, I must be insane not to value such a relationship and do everything in my power to save it. With the help of God all things are possible.
With a little luck, we can work this whole damn thing out....remember that Wings song? I heard it about a month ago while shopping at Big Lots. First you have to know Big Lots is an experience unto itself. It's basically a salvage store that hires ex-convicts. I have found some of the best deals in this Target meets the Salvation Army and yes they usually have a hip sound track playing. However, they were playing this blast from my past and I had to just stop and sing along. I was thrown back to my teenage years and all that love and angst that was oozing out of my pores came flooding back. I am reliving my teenage years right now. Given I didn't seem to leave those years fully mature, it is no surprise.
I have yet to make it past all those school girl yearnings that make you feel alive and crazy all at the same time. This explains my school girl crush. My skin feels like it is crawling and my heart is beating out of my chest. Sound familiar. It's exhilarating and frustrating all at once.
Add to this a lusty fragrance and I am nearly at my wit's end. So I give this some time. Let it wear off. With a little luck, I can work this whole damn thing out.
