During my Lenten journey I couldn't help but be the Doubting Thomas. I asked, "God if you could whip up any creation that your heart desired, then why did you make us with all these imperfections?" I especially wanted to know why we had to be given the susceptibility to addictions. I know that as a parent I would not let my two year old go into the street because the chance of being killed was too great. Doesn't God want to protect us from those situations that will kill us? Or does He want to give us the choice? "Go ahead and try it, but I am warning you that it might kill you." Do we say that to our children? Go ahead and walk in the street, but you might get hurt. No! We keep them from the street at all costs. My heart was particularly saddened when reading the newspaper about a man from our area abusing a 13 month old baby. Is this type of sin really necessary just for the sake of choice?
Then I come full circle and try to make sense of senselessness-with not much avail. What I did stumble on is this: My darkest days as a child were kept alight with the sound of cooing doves. Now the sound of doves cooing makes my heart leap out of my chest. Had the sound not been alongside the backdrop of bleak days, would I have ever heard the peaceful cooing? Probably not. Thanks to the absence of peace, the birds came to life in my awareness. The German philosopher, Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel, believed that in order to realize the thesis of something, we had to know the antithesis. In other words, it is in the absence of God that we realize the existence of God. Of all my studies in political science, this is the one thought that has stuck with me most. So I guess I can reconcile all the lack of God in the human spirit when I focus on the presence of God in mankind. I am finding this apparent in the book Three Cups of Tea. A mountain climber tackles the biggest mountain when he starts building schools in Pakistan and Afghanistan. Rather than being overwhelmed by the daunting tasks, he just puts one foot in front of the other. This gives me profound hope that we can conquer the evil that lurks in each of us and on the planet. So I may not be quite as convinced as the 11 disciples of Jesus, but I at least am coming to believe as Thomas did.
In this final week of the Lenten journey I am eternally grateful for the blessings in my life. As I gain depth with each year, I am ever so amazed and remiss that I was in the dark for so long. I could get down on myself (counterproductive), instead I just take comfort knowing that another opportunity, God willing, will come again next year. I have read fellow travelers' experiences and start to feel sad that I did not reach their level of understanding. Then I remind myself that I too one day may experience what they have reached. It becomes a beacon for me. Sort of like when you just join a gym and can't help to admire the firm flesh as your own jiggles like jelly. If I focused on the jelly, I would not have continued to work out and make the progress that I have made. Getting rid of spiritual fat each year is quite a struggle, but well worth the effort. So as we have entered Holy Week, I ask God to grant me the understanding and forgiveness that will bring me closer to what Diamonds in the Sky with Lucy has so eloquently said in her post Wild Angels.
It has been here all along-the guiding light I have been looking for. Hubby's business is springing into action now that the rain has gone away. Yippee! It allows us to have a sense of progress, an opportunity to work together, and an example for the kids to follow. Even if this business stays small potatoes, at least it is a venture. That is all one can ask for. Step by step I am watching the transformation of not only my husband, but my children as they see that one can take an idea and make it a reality. This dream is just a glimmer at this point, but continues to gain momentum. As we head into the second year of this business venture, I can't help but think that it is more than business. It is a light for my family to focus on.
See this lighthouse....it is supposed to be a guiding light, a warning, a gatekeeper. Yet the light is not working. I am the lighthouse in this picture=broken and unable to guide this young lady as she goes through the rough waters of teenage angst. She is trying to manage so much and needs me to help her avoid the rocks that lie hidden in the deep murky waters. Yet my light is not helping. I am only guiding her ship into the waves that will throw her upon those rocks. God help me.
That is all I know right now. God help me. Why can't I get it right. I quit drinking, I lost weight to get healthy, I have prayed. God I pray. Yet I am no help. I need my own lighthouse, as I hit the rocks in my life. I know marriage is full of its ups and downs. I know I am blessed beyond belief. Help me to keep perspective and get this ship on course.
Angels poured out their love today. My cousin's daughter was awaiting a prognosis on a tumor found in her abdomen. Thank God the results were benign!
This family has endured so much that I cannot imagine that they would have to face any more calamity for the rest of their lives. I am in awe of their faith and fortitude. I only can hope that I can keep their strength in mind when I start quibbling about the mundane in my life. I should be so lucky that my life lacks drama.
It makes no sense how some people can give so much to life and yet life keeps offering profound challenges to them anyway. I am thankful that this trial will be a quick one for my cousin and his beautiful family.
May angels surround little Katie's bedside and offer her peace and happiness as she goes through the final procedures of removing her tumor.
The event that is about to take place once again takes a lot of preparation. We are scurrying around gathering food and gifts for those we love and those we are trying to love. It is a call to action. Bring the light back to the darkening Earth. No easy feat....
Imagine the journey to Bethlehem. Long and isolated, the two lovers carried the best gift our world would receive. They simply just put one foot in front of the other. Surely, they looked up from their feet to see the bright light that led their way.
Is that not what we are supposed to do? Put one foot in front of the last and keep an eye out for the wonder along the way. I see it in the stores when a mom drops down to her knees to see the world from her son's perspective. It is apparent when the boxes full of toiletries and trinkets are shipped out to people half way around the world. My heart explodes everyday as I watch for the light in the darkness. I imagine it to be much like catching lightening bugs in a jar.
So as the serotonin levels drop as the sun hides its face, I remind myself depression is a natural part of the human experience. Depression gives us the opportunity to stop and reflect and take stock of all that is around us. The key is not to keep your head down on the ground, but lift up and see the light that is about to shine.
Thanks be to God!
During my Lenten journey I couldn't help but be the Doubting Thomas. I asked, "God if you could whip up any creation that your heart desired, then why did you make us with all these imperfections?" I especially wanted to know why we had to be given the susceptibility to addictions. I know that as a parent I would not let my two year old go into the street because the chance of being killed was too great. Doesn't God want to protect us from those situations that will kill us? Or does He want to give us the choice? "Go ahead and try it, but I am warning you that it might kill you." Do we say that to our children? Go ahead and walk in the street, but you might get hurt. No! We keep them from the street at all costs. My heart was particularly saddened when reading the newspaper about a man from our area abusing a 13 month old baby. Is this type of sin really necessary just for the sake of choice?
