Just show it who's boss....

This is the statement that allowed me to take my final drink. I had a dream last night that I was a drinker again. Funny how that can slip into your subconscious. How can I show who is boss while I am dreaming? The statement "Just show it who's boss" came from my dad, to whom I a very grateful. Rather than passing judgement, he would listen to long winded, slurred conversations on Friday nights as I would sip away. I thought I was doing alright. Afterall, I was spending time with my dad, discussing politics, and folding laundry all at the same time. So one night I am blubbering on again about my inability to stop after just a couple. Dad proposed that I just drink two glasses and then throw the rest down the drain. Show it who is boss! I could see how this would go. I would end up buying two bottles so I could throw one down the drain and still drink one bottle. Of course I was already buying two bottles because I thought hubby might want some and one would not be sufficient for the both of us. So two bottles would easily creep to three. You get the idea. That was my final drink.

At least I continue to tell myself that. After last night's dream I am needing some resolve. I am okay for today, but I wonder if five years down the line if I might decide that I could finally hold my liquor. You know this is how it always starts out. I do really well for about a year and slowly but surely the ebb and flow ends up in more flow than ebb. So I am here to remind myself that this life is way more precious than any delicious cabernet or chardonnay.

Let me illustrate. This week my pet mouse died. Now this is a classroom pet so it is always traumatic when we have to face the facts of life and death. This I know is a part of their education so I always buckle down and help the class work through this. This week was completely different, however. The mouse died of starvation. We had changed the cage after school and I neglected to add food as I always do. This ensures that they have enough stock pile in case the pet person forgets to feed our mice. For three days these mice were starved when finally on Friday I looked in to see that one mouse was wavering with weakness. I knew exactly what had happened. I did not alert the kids, but rather asked our pet person to throw some food in. I knew she would not see what I had. The other one had already died. I was heartbroken; I had caused this.

We proceeded with our story You're never too little to love. This story is told by a mouse. Egads, this was a difficult thing. So I released the kids and took care of our little friend. Then I went around town on Saturday for three hours looking for a replacement (white with black spots). No luck. I was starting to consider a Sharpie (JK). Finally, I was able to "adopt" someone's pet from the pet store that had brown spots. This would have to do. I reconcilled that I am going to have to tell the class that one passed away. I even bought a new cage so that I could tell them that it must have had something to do with the rust on the old cage. I have yet to reconcile this thought. So now I have these little critters atop my dryer and I look at them as I do my laundry. They will go back to school with me tomorrow and I vow never to have that happen again. Repentance.

Now I segway into the final part of this story. Lent is a time to give up old selfish ways. To give to those with less. A time to fast and cleanse the body. We have strayed as a society from this concept. To fast reminds us of those around the world who do die of starvation. Children. It also benefits our own bodies as we flush out toxins from our overloaded systems. This little mouse has brought me to a new awareness of these six weeks before Easter. As I devote more time to prayer and service to others, fast and do with less, I am reminded who really is the boss. Only God will keep those night binges (drinking dreams) from seeping into my waking hours. My dad knew that he would appeal to the bossier side of me when he suggested that I show the bottle who the boss was. That was the entry I needed. The beginning of a new awareness. As I grow and discover that it is not me who is boss, I am learning that each sober day affords me a deeper awareness. I want to continue to grow in this awareness so I will keep those thoughts of drinking at arm's length. And when I wake up from a dream like last night's I know I need to pray even harder. Thanks be to Dad and thanks be to God.

May your journey be blessed.