Love kills

That's right...love kills. It kills my desire to do the job I love. It kills my marriage. It kills my relationship with my kids. Love makes me lose my entire sense of being. That's when lust is dressed up as love.

Love does not really kill. Love builds up and sustains. Love brings me close to the man I chose to spend the rest of my life with. Love keeps me focused on the blessings in my life.

I finally got my head out of my @$$ and woke up to the reality: it is not getting what you want, but wanting what you get. I have a wonderful family and was willing to risk it all. For what? For some sort of conquest. Now I know that hormones will cloud my head and make me think my heart is talking. It's not my heart that is speaking, but rather a desire to be desired.

I have to admit, it is probably not going to be black and white. One day infatuated, the next disgusted. However, now I think I can manage to keep my mind on the job, rather than thinking up ways to run into the person enticing me.

This process has been gradual, which probably means that my reaction is rational rather than psychotic. Let's hope anyway.

Through this challenge I have been able to grow in my faith. I asked to have this resolved and my prayers have been answered. I have to say that the friend that I am so enamored with has been nothing but respectful. For this I am grateful. I was able to tell him I had a crush and he did not make me feel bad nor silly. I have a lot of respect for this person. In the end, I have gained self-respect through this walk.

Thanks be to God!