Take the Plunge

Go ahead, take the plunge! Twitter directory. I have been having so much fun following the tweets of celebs, politicians, and news pundits. In fact it has become a new distraction for me. Friday nights used to be a nightmare, without my good ole friend named Chardonnay. Now I find friends all over the globe plunking away at less than 140 characters each in Twitterville. Usually, their tweets point to a particular Website that the "Twit" finds interesting. For example, Ashton Kutcher pointed to a site one night that highlighted genius children. I would not have picked Ashton Kutcher as someone to follow, but he is so prolific in the tweet universe, that he is a curiosity. Not to mention the fact, that he often references his wife: Demi Moore (who also happens to be in the Twit world). Before this advertisement goes any further, let me just say I have nothing to do with the inception of this verbal diarrhea. It just happens to be a distraction that keeps me from thinking about all my friends that are happily passing their weekend nights sipping on the elixer that once was my distraction.

So now I ask what am I trying to be distracted from? Frustrations in my life which I have no control maybe. Yes! I am trying to constantly control the universe, to no avail. No surprise! If I would just let go and trust God that everything works out in the end, then I could sit back and enjoy the ride instead of trying to throw a wrench into it. So now I am partaking in mindless Twitter to take my mind off anxieties that make me think drinking was not such a bad idea. Go ahead take the plunge, I dare you! It is afterall, where I found the above photo...


http://www.smashingmagazine.com/2008/11/16/beautiful-examples-of-tilt-shift-photography/

March Madness

It is like the last mile....that dark of the morning just before spring hits. The light that is about to take over our hearts is just around the corner, yet somehow I can't keep from creating wreckage along this final stretch. Relationships are strained in every corner of my universe. I am intent on completing tasks, not realizing the tasks are just a stage to bring me closer to fellow human beings. Just as I am thinking that these human beings are getting in my way, I realize that these are the people that are in the canoe with me as I am hitting the rapids. Instead of grabbing their oar and hitting them over the head, I should be patiently awaiting their contribution. It is after all, with each oar in the water that we make it through the rapids. So as I enter the final turn on this river, I will keep my hands on my own oar and dig deep into the water. I will resist the temptation of blaming those around me for my discontent. I know that this puts me in bondage. If the slaves could free their minds while in bondage, surely I can keep my mind my out of bondage since I am free. I am free from the bottle. It no longer creeps into my mind in the middle of the day. It no longer robs me of my retirement fund. It will not keep me up late at night, making swiss cheese out of my liver. It will not clog my arteries, keep me from the gym, stupefy my mind, desinigrate my judgment, and keep me from growing. Thanks be to God!

Weapons of Self-Destruction

This man has been making me laugh for years. I am sure he will have loads of material after he gets out of the shop (after his tune-up). He had to go in for some heart work. He was in the middle of a tour called, you guessed it, Weapons of Self-Destruction. What do you think his weapon of destruction is: butter? Yes we do manage to do ourselves in even when we know the consequences of the multitude of indulgences. Maybe it is because we forget the word indulgence. Perhaps what was once an indulgence becomes a mainstay. Since I have given up the weapon (alcohol) because it was leading me to self-destruction, I have found myself opening my eyes to many of the weapons in my life. Not all of them are gastronomic. Some are ways of being: judgmental thinking, limiting my options, self-centered perceptions, and just plain gossiping. During this Lenten season, I am focusing in on these types of "indulgences" and trying to weed my garden of these weapons of self-destruction. My hope at the end of these six weeks is to form some new habits so that I might begin to see other habits that are destroying my growth. Funny how it is, you start to do something in the right direction and only then do you see how far you have strayed from the path. At least I can see the path and am no longer staring at the edge of a cliff.

Your postings have been a huge part of this awareness. For this I am so grateful!

Prayers for the funny man above.


Picture credit:
http://www.portland-oregon-magazine.com/news/196/ARTICLE/2982/2008-11-17.html

Soup Night

Wednesday nights are Soup Nights during Lent. Different groups at church bring soups that can be shared before the Lenten services. Tonight I made cabbage carrot soup for cleansing. I put ginger in it to give it flavor and boy is it spicy! It tastes a lot like the coconut soup at a Thai restaurant. The impetus to make this soup was that at my work we are competing in our own version of the "Biggest Loser." We are teamed up each week with a different partner and we weigh in on Wednesday to see what percentage of weight each team has lost. This week's winning team's secret: CABBAGE SOUP! So I am embarking on the second week armed with my own version of cabbage soup. I used purple cabbage since purple is the color of Lent. It looks like I may have started a new tradition for my family. We might end up calling this our Lenten soup. It is after all, a great cleanser. I am really getting into the mode this year, cleansing mind, body, and soul. I have made it to the gym every night sans Wednesday when I go to Confirmation class with my boy.

Cleansing my spirit seems to be the most difficult. I am constantly engaged in turmoil this time of year. We call it March Madness. I think the weather is really starting to get to everyone, including me. As the arguments increase, I am reminded that it is no easy to task to walk the path of peace. However, today I did notice mini miracles that keep me trying. Strained relationships showed signs of healing, a co-worker shared her joy about being able to teach about God. She had come from a school (private not public) where it was not permitted . To be able to point her finger at the target that we are trying to hit really strikes her as a miracle. While we always fall short, we at least have in view of what we are shooting for. Imagine, pointing kids aimlessly, without a clear role model. Sure we could point them to the president, the Pope, the principal, but they will fall short just as we do. So Jesus gives these kids a real hero to follow. To be able to talk about Him is a miracle.

Soup nights are great because it takes us out of the routine of preparing meals and brings us to the table to reflect on a time when society did not have the liberties that we do. It gives us pause to bring about peace. It is a great way to start a diet of the mind, spirit, and body. To bring myself back to the center.

Just show it who's boss....

This is the statement that allowed me to take my final drink. I had a dream last night that I was a drinker again. Funny how that can slip into your subconscious. How can I show who is boss while I am dreaming? The statement "Just show it who's boss" came from my dad, to whom I a very grateful. Rather than passing judgement, he would listen to long winded, slurred conversations on Friday nights as I would sip away. I thought I was doing alright. Afterall, I was spending time with my dad, discussing politics, and folding laundry all at the same time. So one night I am blubbering on again about my inability to stop after just a couple. Dad proposed that I just drink two glasses and then throw the rest down the drain. Show it who is boss! I could see how this would go. I would end up buying two bottles so I could throw one down the drain and still drink one bottle. Of course I was already buying two bottles because I thought hubby might want some and one would not be sufficient for the both of us. So two bottles would easily creep to three. You get the idea. That was my final drink.

At least I continue to tell myself that. After last night's dream I am needing some resolve. I am okay for today, but I wonder if five years down the line if I might decide that I could finally hold my liquor. You know this is how it always starts out. I do really well for about a year and slowly but surely the ebb and flow ends up in more flow than ebb. So I am here to remind myself that this life is way more precious than any delicious cabernet or chardonnay.

Let me illustrate. This week my pet mouse died. Now this is a classroom pet so it is always traumatic when we have to face the facts of life and death. This I know is a part of their education so I always buckle down and help the class work through this. This week was completely different, however. The mouse died of starvation. We had changed the cage after school and I neglected to add food as I always do. This ensures that they have enough stock pile in case the pet person forgets to feed our mice. For three days these mice were starved when finally on Friday I looked in to see that one mouse was wavering with weakness. I knew exactly what had happened. I did not alert the kids, but rather asked our pet person to throw some food in. I knew she would not see what I had. The other one had already died. I was heartbroken; I had caused this.

We proceeded with our story You're never too little to love. This story is told by a mouse. Egads, this was a difficult thing. So I released the kids and took care of our little friend. Then I went around town on Saturday for three hours looking for a replacement (white with black spots). No luck. I was starting to consider a Sharpie (JK). Finally, I was able to "adopt" someone's pet from the pet store that had brown spots. This would have to do. I reconcilled that I am going to have to tell the class that one passed away. I even bought a new cage so that I could tell them that it must have had something to do with the rust on the old cage. I have yet to reconcile this thought. So now I have these little critters atop my dryer and I look at them as I do my laundry. They will go back to school with me tomorrow and I vow never to have that happen again. Repentance.

Now I segway into the final part of this story. Lent is a time to give up old selfish ways. To give to those with less. A time to fast and cleanse the body. We have strayed as a society from this concept. To fast reminds us of those around the world who do die of starvation. Children. It also benefits our own bodies as we flush out toxins from our overloaded systems. This little mouse has brought me to a new awareness of these six weeks before Easter. As I devote more time to prayer and service to others, fast and do with less, I am reminded who really is the boss. Only God will keep those night binges (drinking dreams) from seeping into my waking hours. My dad knew that he would appeal to the bossier side of me when he suggested that I show the bottle who the boss was. That was the entry I needed. The beginning of a new awareness. As I grow and discover that it is not me who is boss, I am learning that each sober day affords me a deeper awareness. I want to continue to grow in this awareness so I will keep those thoughts of drinking at arm's length. And when I wake up from a dream like last night's I know I need to pray even harder. Thanks be to Dad and thanks be to God.

May your journey be blessed.

Raindrops keep fallin.....

Rain falls just in time. We have been facing an impending drought so the rain is very welcome. It is my shortcoming to look short term. I am constantly caught up in the immediacy of life that often I lack the long view. As the rain falls weeks in a row, I am forcing myself to take the long view and be thankful because the pain of a drought will undoubtedly last longer than a few weeks of rain. Now this is an easy and rather short long view. After all, the rain will be dry in no time and blossoms will abound by next week. I guess where I really get into trouble is when focusing on the long view in relationships, goals, and sobriety. I know that my teenagers will soon be out of their sassy phase and goals that I am stretching for will be within view within the year. But the sobriety, that seems like it will be forever before I see a payoff. I know that with sobriety comes a fuller engagement in life. But it also means facing character flaws head on. No longer can I hide behind the mask of being hung-over and tired. Now I know that the difficulties that I am having are more me than the residual effects of a toxin. When my brain refuses to act like a well oiled machine I begin to wonder if I have possibly done permanent damage by imbibing for the past 20 years. You know that warning about killing brain cells- it rings in my ears as I am having an off day.

So today I allowed myself to not get it just right, to be a little off. Then I came home to find some slice of the day that would be some sign of growth. "It's hard to face an ugly truth about yourself. I guess the only thing you can do is take positive steps." -Scrubs
I never thought I would be quoting a TV show, but there it was as I was clicking away. So as I write this down to serve as retrospect down the road, I am in effect taking a positive step. Rather than numb away the day, I am allowing some introspection and searching for a way to stretch and grow. It may just be a few drops of change, but it is change in the right direction, nonetheless.

Quote for Today

"I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything,
but still I can do something; I will not refuse to do
the something I can do."
--Helen Keller (June 27, 1880 – June 1, 1968)

picture: http://d21c.com/sookietex/womens_history_helen_keller.jpg