Today I make my way without much of a rudder in the water. I just let my desires take me the whole day. Running to stores to pick up birthday gifts, having long phone conversations, and blogging once again. I have plenty of work to do, but I am secure in letting it go. As I sit beside my son here on the couch, I think what a blessing his recent mistake is. We are learning so much about each other as a family. We are very close and spend every weekend together. I kid my children about running a youth hostel. We are usually hosting anywhere from 1-4 additional teens in our home each weekend. Our mornings are full of energy and laughter as we flip pancakes and fry sausage for the hungry tummies. The living room is full of foam mats and sleeping bags. We have been blessed to have these moments.
As we enter a new phase in parenthood such as last night and driving (arghhh), I am sure I will have to let go more and more. I will have to trust that the morals we have been trying to instill in the last 15 years will take over. While my son assures me that he did not take a drink last night, I know he is capable of more. He could have told those girls that he was not going to be part of them hurting their bodies, but he didn't. I could have done a lot of things differently in my life, but I didn't.
I know there still may be further repercussions for this mishap. The parents of the girls still have yet to have their say. So as we head through the days ahead, I look for the light amongst the clouds. What I know is that one of the motivating factors for stopping my love affair with alcohol, is that kids don't watch what you say. They watch what you do. Imagine walking into that security office with a buzz on. Ick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep remembering.
Picture: http://nightpisces.deviantart.com/art/Pandora-Point-66347111
5 comments:
Well said.
lINDA
someone told me long ago, exactly what you wrote here... there comes a time when you have to let them do what they do, and hope that what you have taught them will get them through it all. and that's the truth. fore if you don't you will push them away, further and further away from you. and that is so hard. for any mother.
Hang on...we can only give them a foundation...they have their own journey. A really good book is Please Stop the Rollercaster by Sue Blaney or Blarney, I can't remember. We started a little book group a few years back and it helped a lot with raising teenagers and staying connected to others in the same boat. Had my own incident with my son a while ago. http://gospodipomiluj.blogspot.com/2007/11/youre-under-arrest.html
I noticed your comment over at John's journal and thought I would come over and say Hi! Our kids do indeed learn by our actions. In the end the reason behind our sobriety is to save ourselves, in doing so we save the best parts of us for those we love. Promise to come back and visit again dear friend. (Hugs)Indigo
Brilliant and the miracle is your sobriety and that you share what you do with us and with them.
Hugs
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